Saturday, August 8, 2015

Letting Go

The family at the Miller Company Picnic. J (4) and M(10M)
I have been feeling that Jane is getting too big without my permission. ;) I decided to take her on a mommy-daughter date. We went to the movie theatre to see Inside Out and it was appropriate because the movie was about a little girl who is growing up and changing emotionally. My children and I are growing up and changing, and I am having to let go and adapt with them.

The other day Jane was very tired and she started to cry and could not stop. I could tell she was feeling emotional, but all the sudden she says, "Mom, what is wrong with me? I'm crying and I can't stop." I felt a real connection with her. I feel like that a lot and I certainly did throughout my growing up. Jane also tells me amidst tears periodically, "Mom, I don't want to grow up!" I feel exactly the same way...I don't want her to grow up!

Jane is riding a regular bike--no training wheels--and loves it. Seeing her tiny legs pedaling around the neighborhood brings me so much joy and also reminds me that she will do more and more without me. Also, every time we sit down to eat or just rest, Jane wants to talk about something. Lately, we talk about why the cat took the spell book in the movie Hocus Pocus. (I know, I know, my four year old should not love this movie, but she does.) We talk about anything she decides is worthy of conversation really, in a very adult manner. =)

Maurie has also broke my heart lately. I have been breastfeeding for nearly 11 months and now she has decided she is done. For those who know me well, breastfeeding was very traumatic with Jane and I anticipated not being able to do it for very long with Maurie, but I have been pleasantly surprised. With Maurie, I have enjoyed breastfeeding. It has been the bonding experience that most Mom's hope for. I thought for sure that I would be the one to cut her off though and having her not want to breastfeed instead of me taking it away has been a little emotional. This is opposite the feeling I had as I weaned Jane at six months. Maurie also walks around, has a special smile for Daddy and gives the best open-mouth, slobbery kisses. Her dimples and long, curly black hair bring me so much joy. As she grows, I feel a desperate need to slow things down.

I remember around ten years old going to hang out with a friend instead of staying home with my mom. As I drove away I could see my mom sobbing as she trimmed the bushes in the front yard. Now I know why she was crying so hard. She knew I would never be the little girl who would rather be with mom more than anyone else. It was a turning point that moms know about intuitively. I know that my girls are not that big yet, but I feel like the time I really have them is far too short. So, like Jane, I say, "I don't want to grow up!" I'm not ready to let go of my babies and I don't want to miss anything. So, keep track of those moments that only last for minutes.

When were the moments that you knew that you or your children were growing into a new stage?


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